i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
