It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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