Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
