I think i peed on brittanys purse
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
