but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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