can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
