you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
