I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
