im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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