I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
