I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize