I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
