I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
