That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Pants are for mortals
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
