i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
