I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
