very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
