I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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