I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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