a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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