I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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