Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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