Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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