dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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