He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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