dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
