AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
