accomplished twins. life is a go
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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