Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
