the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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