Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
