lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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