Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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