dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
