I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
