Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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