Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
