i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
