It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
