By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize