after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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