that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
