she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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