I hope mine doesn't look like that
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
do herpes really smell.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
