the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
