just tell him i said nine months
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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