Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
