Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
