how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
