So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
