he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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