youre lurking in front of me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize