if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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