Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
