Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
