it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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