Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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