Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
