cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
