My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
