so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
