guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
