M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
