No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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