actually, I'm a sock model
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
