How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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