you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
