On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
