Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
