Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
